A pinch of green, the crisp of paper, two shiny red painted fingers a pinch. She wrestles the paper into a small rolled point, a tight fresh joint, nothing like breakfast in the morning.
It's day three and still nothing. Marie looks through her cell phone, searching for a missed text, a missed call, a missed anything. Instead the backround pic reminds her of the pain and she slaps her cell phone closed as she tosses it in her bag.
"I brought you this coffee from the gas station." Her mother says in her usual run down smokers voice.
"I'm not hungry, I'm not thristy, I'm not anything." Marie looks through her mother, through the window and straight at the blue and red swing set in the yard.
"If Destiny has a chance at being found, she's going to need you to be the one that gives her that chance."
"I'm not worthty of it ma, I'm not worthy of being a fucking mother, I'm not worthy of being her fucking chance."
"Don't say that Marie, come, lets get you into a warm bath and maybe you can lie down while i meet with the police and then press."
"I don't want to lie down Ma, I don't even want to get up, I don't even want to move, I just want to find her." Her head sinks into hands and Marie begins to scream through her hands.
"Marie, don't, honey we will find that little girl, we will find Destiny, just don't do this right now, listen to me, you will be strong, you will find your little girl, you will show the world that you had the strength to find that little girl."
A bright light shines through the window, a woman in a police uniform steps out, she is blank and she is pale. Marie is silent, the only sound she makes comes from her finger tips tapping on the table top awaiting what this woman is her to say.
"Hello" she slips out. She pulls the chair by marie out and gently sits by her side. "You must know why I'm here, you must also know what I'm going to say."
"No, you can't!" Marie's mother calls out, she pulls on Marie's arm and holds it tight.
"Ma'am, this morning a jogger running five miles away from here stumbled upon a small body. We have taken the remains to the morgue they will be confirming whether or not this is your daughter, they will also have the answer as to what might have happened during this unforseen time."
"Oh no!" Marie's mother cups her mouth and cries out, Destiny, her only grandaughter, dead. Marie doesn't move, she doesn't make a sound. Her lips are still and hands locked.
"Ma'am, you can use my light." The officer hands her a pink lighter, Marie holds it to her joint and takes one long drag.
Marie listens to the radio hoping to fall asleep before walking into that morgue, before lifting the sheet, before seeing Destiny. Her mother brings her a pill and a tall glass of water. She sits by her side and pushes her hair back.
"I did this."
"What are you saying Marie, you didn't do a damn thing."
"I did this ma."
"Marie you did what, be there, be as good as a parent as you could be."
"No, no ma, I didn't try, I didn't even give one damn about it."
"Marie what is the matter with you? You aren't thinkin."
"I'm a monster, a real monster."
"Marie you're not a monster, your my baby, your my little girl, you don't deserve this, you didn't deserve this."
"Ma, why are you even saying any of this?"
"That little girl had the best mother she could of had, she had you."
"Who are you trying to fool ma? You know what happened, we're just two fucked up monsters. And we're going to pay for what we have done, what we did to that little girl, she didn't deserve this ma, she didn't"
"Marie shut your stupid mouth,"
"You think we're not going to get caught?"
"Not if you don't know how to shut that fucking mouth of yours that won't stop running."
"Running from the lies, running from the shit you tell me, and yourself, we're not victims, we're the murderers!"
Marie's mother slams her hand to her daughter's mouth shoving a small pill into her. Marie swallows, closes her eyes and falls asleep. Images from the night play through her head, she remembers placing her daughter's limp body into that trunk, her small lips, dark, and yet still full of life. The trunk slams shut, she swears she hears a cry.
She also remembers the day her daughter was born. The doctors all warned her, they expected Destiny to come out with special needs, special wants, and with a special life. Marie didn't find out she was pregnant till she was five months along, she didn't want to know and didn't care enough to find out until her school called her mother and told her it was necessary for her to go.
Marie flashes through Destiny's life, remembering how it was hard, how she didn't really have any help, her mother was too ashamed for her own self and her daughter, the slut of the town.
Marie then remembers back before Destiny was born, before she even found out she was having a little girl. It was at school that Marie was paid 50 dollars to fuck the school's retarded boy. It was his first but her 20th, she was going around quick.
When she first looked into Destiny's little face she was him there, in her face, it was obvious he was her father and destiny was going to be just like him.
The morgue was cold, the light low. A small body lied tucked under a white sheet. Marie stands at the side of her bed. "I don't want to remember her like this."
"It's okay ma'am your mother can id her." Marie looks over to her mother who is clutching her bag and waiting for someone to motion her over.
